Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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