That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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