I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
