ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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