Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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