did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
