her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
