I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
