I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
