I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
