last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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