I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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