I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
