I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
