So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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