I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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