see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
