I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
