Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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