I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
