I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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