If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
