She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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