Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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