I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
