remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so let's talk penis.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
