Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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