4 words: hood of his car
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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