Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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