dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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