he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
