i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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