the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
