I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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