i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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