My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
