Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
