this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
