this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
