No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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