he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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