yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
