I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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