i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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