you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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