my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You are the jesus of drinking
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
