So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
