Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
