absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
