my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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