Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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